Informed basketball commentary

Hooray, it's the annual Austin ice day(s)! You former Austin folks probably remember it well. The storm rolls in, it gets just cold enough to freeze, concerned citizens clean out H-E-B, ice accumulates on the streets, the whole town shuts down, and local news stations go into full-on Anchorman mode.

I worked from home today, but afterwards, I did find time for some heady basketball commentary. Unfortunately, since someone I work for may someday read this, I can't bring you the unabashed, raw version. You'll have to settle for the USA Network dialogue edit.

me: ha ha, god every time i read about that first rounder the wolves threw in with cassell for jaric, i laugh all over again
Reid: yeah, me too
read it this morning
me: that might be the single dumbest move in the last few years, just because it is so completely irrational
Reid: it doesn't even make sense
hah, exactly
i'd love to hear the tape of that conversation
me: ha ha, no poop
or be in the clippers office when baylor hung up the phone
Reid: mchale just saying "and a first rounder" and baylor trying not to correct him
me: pause. "yes, that's it."
Reid: realizing that mchale didn't misspeak
me: ha ha, covering the phone with his hand and looking at his aides, mouthing the words, "a first? really?"
Reid: this is after they tampered with joe smith and lost that other first rounder
fudging idiots
me: ha ha, i know
they lost 3 first rounders because of smith
Reid: poor garnett, man
the poor guy is trying to be loyal and they blow every chance to build around him
me: it's like being loyal to a girl who gets drunk and messes around with other guys all the time
Reid: exactly
i wonder if mchale goes up to KG's locker and bashfully apologizes
like "hey, kevin, i'm really sorry about that trade the other night"
me: ha ha ha
Reid: "i don't know what got in to me. i was just feeling really hurt and vulnerable and baylor made me feel like, you know, a real GM."
me: "uh, listen, kevin, we need to talk. about last night. i traded cassell."
KG: "WHAT?!?"
"...and a first"
"You did WHAT?" pause. slams hand against locker.
"look, kevin, i want to work this out, honestly, i do. just give me another chance"
Reid: HA
the real punchline is when he tells kevin who they got...
me: "by the way, here's this slow white guy who can't shoot. he's your new PG"
Reid: you know KG had to be thinking they were getting maggette or even mobley or somebody
me: oh, no doubt
"okay, marko and who else? corey? no? cuttino?"
Reid: come to think of it, if one nba player was ever going to murder his gm, it would be those two. i could see kg just snapping and strangling him
me: mchale kind of looks at the floor... bites his lip. "hmm, uh, no, just marko." then KG does that stare down he gives refs after bad calls eyes bulging, lips pursed
Reid: man, that deal is by far the most inexplicable trade of the last five years

And later, after OSU's legendarily bunk win over UT:

me: hay-seuss.
man, fudge oklahoma as a state, as a territory, and as a motherfudgeing population
Kriston: tulsa can eat a big fat dork
norman OK can eat a big fat dork
me: OK city can eat, a ... faaat doorrrrk

What were you expecting, intellectually rigorous analysis? FreeDarko this ain't.

UPDATE: Doh! Sorry, file this one in the Bad Timing and Poor Taste folder. I was just snuggled up in bed with my cat watching a basketball game, while the poor folks in Oklahoma were enduring a pretty terrible ice storm that killed a few people and left thousands without power. Get warm, y'all.